Editor’s Note: Trigger Warning: sexual assault and suicidal ideation. Olwethu wrote to us because she wanted to share her experience of healing after trauma. She hopes that by sharing her story, other survivors will no longer feel alone. If you have experienced sexual assault, there are resources to help you.
In the U.S., you can contact RAINN’s crisis support service by calling 1.800.656.4673 or using their online chat at rainn.org/resources.
In South Africa, Olwethu’s country, you can contact the Tears Foundation by calling *134*7355# or get more resources at tears.co.za/get-help-now.
Not sure what to say when a survivor shares her story with you? Start here: “I’m sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong.”
Author: Olwethu Mpukuzela, 18-year-old South African activist
A lot of teenagers are struggling with things they don't speak about. But my determination to save others’ lives is bigger than my fear of my story being known.
In September of 2019, I was sexually assaulted by a man I'd never met or seen before. I almost died, and months later, I was diagnosed with depression. A year later, I tried to take my life. I have been struggling and hit rock bottom more than once over the past three years. But today, I'm standing strong for only one reason: the thought of helping other people. I believe in myself despite what happened to me, and I believe I can and will inspire young girls who've been through the same thing.
For me, it got to the point where I let go of myself. I wouldn't bathe for two to three days. I couldn't get out of bed, and I would refuse to speak to anybody. I just isolated myself from the outside world. I was losing friends. I was losing myself. I was doing things that I was not supposed to do and using destructive coping mechanisms.
I had suicidal thoughts. But the thing that pulled me out of it was one day when my little brother walked into my room and asked me, “can you please be OK?” Having my little brother see me in this position kind of like broke me. And I was like, you know what? I need to get up and deal with this in a positive manner.
That was the changing point.
It took me about 11 months to come to terms with what had happened. I taught myself to grieve over it, and then it took me about two years to actually speak to someone about it.
The first thing that I did was to open up more about it. I told my mom, “OK, you know, this is part of what happened.” Then I'd say, “today, I'm feeling this type of way.” I talked about it bit by bit and didn’t force myself to tell everything.
Doing small things actually had a big impact on me. For example, I would go out and take a walk, and I would try to see my friends regularly. I would try to change my mindset.
It's so difficult to believe positive things about yourself when you've been telling yourself negative things. I told myself positive things every day. When I was ready, sharing my story and seeing that other girls have gone through what I have gone through had the most significant impact on me.
I'm not saying that I'm healed, but I'm working towards it. And I just know that with time and patience and trusting the process, it actually does get better.
I want girls to know that people out there want to listen to your story. There are people who support you and believe you, and you don't have to go through what you're going through alone.
This experience doesn’t define who you are. I walked around having it weigh me down in everything that I did most of my life. It is your story, and you should own it, but you shouldn't let it drag you down as I did.
I want all girls to know: Your trauma is valid. Even if other people have experienced "worse." Your experience matters. Your healing matters. You matter. Your voice matters. You are not pathetic. You are not weak. You are women.
Olwethu’s advice for friends and family of a girl who’s been through something traumatic:
Listen to her. Don't push her to talk. Let her know you support her and are ready to listen when she wants to share.
Don’t interrupt. Most people want to ask questions. But for me, when someone interrupts me while I'm talking, it makes me feel like no one is hearing my story.
Do little things for her like running the shower or cooking for her. Remind her that you’re here for her.
Olwethu Mpukuzela, 18, lives in Cape Town, South Africa. She is an ambitious motivational speaker. She aims to write a book about her experience and to have her own TV show to help other girls speak up. “I want to give girls their voices back because it’s part of the healing process,” she wrote.